Gun Control, Mass Shootings, Uncategorized

Bananas

Sweet Geezus the bananas are out of control…AGAIN. Those pesky peels are showing up everywhere. Real damage is being done, people are dying slipping on those damn peels. Even the schools are not safe. Teachers who went into their chosen field to educate and enrich the lives of their students have to carve out time to teach students what to do in the event of a banana peel emergency. And an emergency is bound to happen, they always do. We’ve already had a handful of banana peel incidents this year and it’s only February.

Great minds have been debating this banana peel issue for decades and still no solution for the problem. Some people say that all bananas should be removed from circulation. Others argue for more restrictive banana rights. Others say “hey leave my bananas alone, our founding fathers fought so I could have a right to my bananas.” Maybe some people can’t handle the power of the banana, maybe not everyone needs one. Perhaps there should be a consistent test to determine if someone is within the right frame of mind to carry a banana?

We could make public places safer to avoid unwanted banana entry. Schools should probably be built more like prisons to keep the bad bananas out. That makes sense right? Really high fences – 20 feet high with barbed wire, a few guards at the entrance a banana pat down on the way in, maybe a retinal scan, we have the technology. Sure schools are going bankrupt paying for pension funds and a push to redistribute property taxes. Put all that aside for a moment…I’m sure Congress will loosen up the purse strings so we can keep our bananas AND make schools safer. We do after all value the safety and well being of our children as well as a free and accessible public school system.

There is a lot of speculation as to why the banana problem exists: poor family values, antidepressants, a lack of love & God, mental illness, video games, the pro-banana board which spends gobs of money keeping bananas accessible. At one point Australia had a banana problem and they just said “turn in your f*cking bananas.” Apparently that’s working for them. That couldn’t possibly work here. The UK, Japan and Germany also have a low tolerance for bananas. Shocking as that is, those countries have fewer banana fatalities than we experience in the USA. What could it be? We need our bananas we aren’t like those other countries.

I don’t know what the answer is…I mean I guess you just have to say a prayer and hope your kids don’t slip on any peels when you send them to school. That seems to be working out just swell…as long as it isn’t your kid slipping on the peel.

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14 thoughts on “Bananas

  1. LOOOOOL I loved this… The underlying problem is dramatic, of course, but your banana twist is just great!

    We’re not very fond of bananas here, in Canada. The only people who get to carry bananas are cops and hunters… and although we’re never totally safe, only rarely do we get a lone wolf who goes banana crazy and harms people with his illegal bananas…

    I hope your country finds a solution to the whole banana incident soon… xx

    Liked by 4 people

      • My pleasure… I just lack time to visit everybody and keep track of blogs I want to go through with this crazy (banana-free on my side) life getting in the way…. But I’ll be back for more, now… I saw that your last posts dated back a little. From what I read so far, I hope you’ll greet us with more content soon!! 🙂 xx

        Like

  2. Is this the right place for the sit-in? *looks around, waves at Cyranny and unpacks the wienerbrød*

    Fantastic post, Bryce!
    Yes indeed we have a banana problem and this is coming from one who has been taught (courtesy of your tax dollars) how to peel, slice, and carve a banana in the most efficient way for maximum slip’n’slide-iness.
    Here’s a bit of irony, too: Our country has some very effective banana control going on. In places where we carry bananas as part of our job description. No unauthorized bananas on military installations! How’s that for the yellow fruit lobby!

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Get rid of the bananas.
    We’ve literally just gotten rid of all the romaine lettuce, and arugula and spinach just in case, and that killed, what, a handful of people?
    Down with bananas.

    Liked by 2 people

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